Yes, I am alive

Not that anyone really wondered. I do have 3 kids after all. I suppose one would be more surprised by me actually posting than not, eh? Besides, what do I have to blog about? I can't possibly fathom the time it would take to type out all of the funny, sweet, yet anxiety-inducing drama that is my life.
Yes, I have 3 kids. It feels like I have 6 kids. It feels like there are 10 hours in a day instead of 24. Always tired, short on time, short on money, short on patience, and imperfect in every way. I'm beginning to know just exactly how "Good Enough Mom" came up with her name. Because barely cutting it is still cutting it, right? Can a former control freak, perfectionist person ever find happiness in a life where there is zero control and zero perfection? Yes, but I have to grab onto those blissful moments and hold onto them for dear life. Kids are so hilarious. Watching them grow, learn, and change is a wonder like no other. I love their mixed up words for things (prefer those words instead of the real ones), readiness for fun of any type, and having the privilege of being the one to teach them something new each day.
I used to think that "inner peace" was something I was not designed to ever know. I thought I was one of those people meant to live their whole lives seeking, yet never finding. And in a way, I had made peace with that fact. It gave me my creativity and interest in artistic expression. While I'll never lose that need to express myself (note that I blog about myself like anyone cares), I have found something close to "inner peace" in the midst of the chaos of raising 3 small children, working full-time, and trying to pay the bills and be a halfway decent wife, mother, person, etc. Having "control" ripped from your clinging hands and finding yourself lost forces you to find your way...sink or swim. Right now I'm not swimming yet, but I'm treading water and learning to float whenever I can.